This week I did one thing that felt probably a bit batshit loopy and stayed, by myself, in a treehouse within the woods. I do know. The one that will get spooked in her personal backyard.
It’s testomony to simply how desperately I wanted to take away myself from all noise and distraction (impending deadline that I nonetheless can’t speak about) that I ventured out into the wilds alone, risking potential Blair Witch Mission-style eventualities and with solely a small pair of nail scissors and a laptop computer charging cable (makeshift garrote) for defense. As somebody who barricades their resort door from the within, even when there’s a reception desk two flooring down and a twenty-four hour concierge, I can’t fairly consider that I willingly took myself off to the wilderness.
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However look; I’ve made all of this sound a bit creepy. Clear your minds of the Blair Witch stuff, it was only a little bit of drama for the intro, for this treehouse, one of many Skylark Treehouses at KIP hideaways, was simply one of the phenomenally stress-free, fantastically secluded locations that I’ve ever stayed. Anyplace.
In case you crave solitude, in case you lengthy for the sound of birdsong and the rustling of the bushes, neglect the resort break: two nights right here, with the outside tub and the on-deck hearth pit and the key walkway that weaves by means of the woods…two nights right here and it’s as if you’ve had some form of thoughts and soul reset. Three nights and also you neglect that there’s the rest on the market, on the planet. You recognize if you simply have completely nothing to do? And there’s nothing you can do? So that you simply grow to be type of inert, as if you’re working on standby mode quite than really switched on?
That’s how Skylark made me really feel. And keep in mind, please, that it made me really feel like this regardless of the actual fact I used to be knocking out 4 thousand phrases a day on my laptop computer, mainlining natural tea and solely often getting as much as have a shake and a stretch. In precise reality it was the right place to plough by means of my wordcount for the deadline-I-can’t-mention-yet as a result of it was simply so fully, fantastically silent.
And although half of the treehouse was completely open-air, together with a tremendous – very photogenic – outside kitchen and the aforementioned bathtub and deck, the bed room and bathe room had been totally enclosed in a hyper-insulated, hermetically-sealed pod. Big home windows in every single place, large comfortable mattress, however a correct secure little (totally lockable) hotel-style room with a kitchenette (tea, espresso, oven) and massive walk-in bathe in addition to one of many best-placed bits of toilet glazing I’ve seen, excessive up on the wall in order that it framed the bushes outdoors however retained whole privateness.
On the privateness factor: there are different treehouses (six homes altogether) however they’re fairly far aside. On arrival, my coronary heart did sink after I heard the faint, dulcet tones of another person’s kids (as a result of who needs to listen to different folks’s kids after they’re making an attempt to loosen up?) however after I leaned proper out to try to spot them and maybe scare them off with an evil glare the treehouse they had been in, my nearest neighbour, was actually fairly distant. In actual fact you may inform how distant each is as a result of the parking areas on the lane, two for every home, are effectively spaced-out.
Right here’s the way it goes: you arrive to Skylark Treehouses by way of the doorway lane after which the parking for every treehouse is signposted with a bit emblem. (They ship you all the data by e-mail earlier than you arrive.) Every little automotive park has an electrical charging level, which is massively useful in case you’re an electrical car-haver and wish to recharge while you keep. (I’m a brand new electrical car-haver and nonetheless getting used to the truth that you may’t simply pull into any outdated petrol station and refill; having a charger at your vacation spot simply appears to be the final word, world-changing comfort at this level in my life. Extra thrilling, I believe, than even an out of doors tub.)
A personal walkway takes you down, Swallows and Amazons model, to the doorway of your treehouse (which is lockable, and lit) and the door opens onto essentially the most attractive little outside camp, excessive up within the bushes, completely non-public and with a roof over the dwelling bits in order that it may be continuously in use. After I say camp, that is nothing like tenting; it’s tenting, I suppose, for these (hiya!) who love the scent of the outside and like being surrounded by nature however who don’t wish to get trench foot and must be inside ten metres of a completely flushing bathroom always. It appears to be like like the agricultural treehouse/tenting idyll, although a model of it you’d discover in Vogue, nevertheless it acts like a luxurious resort. All the greatest supplies, costly home equipment, a bin with buttons to open and shut (God how simply happy am I?) and that sensible, show-stopping outside tub. With solely the cows within the area to witness your soak.
There’s a woodburner contained in the sleeping suite, in addition to radiators, so I’m fairly positive this place could be toasty as something within the wintery months, however in summer season it’s doorways thrown extensive open and outside hearth pit on, only for the atmosphere, in case you fancy it. I didn’t, as a result of I used to be there by myself and I’m an everlasting catastrophiser and imagined myself unintentionally setting hearth to my very own hair and never having anybody to assist put it out. Nonetheless, it was good sitting there and listening to the near-silence, as soon as the birds had gone to sleep. With my Brixham Harbour fish pie, one of many ready-to-oven freshly-made meals the folks at Skylark can ship to your treehouse to your arrival. It was scrumptious. And massively welcome as I’d determined prematurely that I didn’t wish to need to cook dinner, as a result of it will have been simply one other distraction, and so it saved me from consuming muesli for dinner three nights in a row.
So to recap: you need absolute peace and quiet. You need the luxurious really feel and a focus to element {that a} resort would possibly give, however you need one thing extra secluded and personal. You like the thought of a camp-style break however need a good mattress, full plumbing and no sense of damp. You need the ever-Instagrammable “tub underneath the celebrities” however don’t wish to hear one other soul while you lie in it and – lastly – you wish to benefit from the outside however really feel secure and safe.
Bingo! I don’t suppose anybody would remorse a few nights right here for a complete reset. What I favored most was their very stern guidelines contract that you simply needed to conform to and signal, promising to not make noise and to respect different company. Bloody sensible. You actually do really feel as if you’re the one company there – and it was totally booked on the nights that I stayed.
Costs? From £250 per night time. Perhaps barely greater than you’d count on in case you went “glamping”, however this positively is just not glamping. It’s a full resort suite that’s fully non-public, with the advantage of a giant outside house that can be utilized all yr spherical. (There’s heating above the eating desk and the entire house is considerately lit.) It’s nowhere close to as costly as a luxurious resort suite however that’s what I’d examine it to; though the supplies contained in the sealed sleeping space had been left fairly rustic and pure, simply one of many many eco-measures right here, the fixtures and fittings had been of the very best high quality and no expense had been spared.
Had I not stayed alone, I genuinely suppose that it will have been troublesome to ever go away. In precise reality, I booked one other night time on the tip of my two night time overview keep, so I believe that claims all of it. The mad factor was, I didn’t even enterprise out of the treehouse. I couldn’t inform you what was half a mile in any route, even an eighth of a mile. I simply wrote and wrote and wrote. In my escape pod. Which is precisely what it was.
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